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My Jesus

The Why.

June 7, 2015

You might never see it.

There’s a way He leads that can bring you through the storm gently, keeping you in awe, wondering how or why. Always trusting but sometimes without understanding or ever seeing the why.

Then, every so often, you’re allowed the glimpse. That full circle, total revelation that grants you access into His plan. It’s blow your mind beautiful, so beyond how you’d pictured it would be,  that it makes your heart quicken.

I saw it. Yesterday, in her eyes.

The world slowed as she caught my eye, that deep hazle hue that He created especially for her, paused for a moment. And I saw myself…at that age…and realized in that second, how much He has carried me from then to now.

His arms are huge and His mercy limitless, His grace profuse. He can handle it. [Stalwart comes to mind. Stalwart is an adjective meaning firm, steadfast, uncompromising, strong and valiant. That’s who I want with the plan for my life, my Stalwart Saviour, Jesus.]

I saw me as a 9 year old and the way He was already carrying me then. A father can say I don’t love you enough to see you anymore, but Jesus doesn’t leave it there. He has a plan. He makes it good. Beyond your definition of good, He makes it God good.

I realized that goodness yesterday.  It was thick and rich and all encompassing. It hemmed me in before and behind. It protected and it covered.

His goodness was complete.

He provided through many others, namely a mother who loves deeply and acted as His hands and feet, an Oma who showed us the way to loving Him, and a step-dad who became what a father should be.

This hardship doesn’t define me, it displays His glory. He knew it all. He used it for good. Ain’t nothing catching Jesus by surprise. His plan is so grand!

I say full circle, because in my daughters eyes, I see how He carried me to this place. I see the good. How He’s blessed me beyond my wildest dreams. I have a husband who is a godly man, who leads gently and loves thoroughly, and makes me laugh with complete abandon..and he delights in them,  a son and 2 daughters who are loved without measure.

I can see it in her eyes, and I’m overwhelmed with gratitude.

He has a plan. And it’s God good.




Holy ground..

March 26, 2015

What a total luxury we have in North many bibles as you’d like, on your iPhone and in your pocket, no hiding them, no skirting around your faith, no secret meetings, or blood shed for your beliefs.  And yet… why is it so hard to find the time..for Him?

I was sitting in church when it hit me hard a few months ago … why am I not putting my Creator, my Father, my Saviour .. first? It weighed heavily on my heart and quietly and slowly an idea began to burn… find a quiet spot and submit daily.

There’s this little space in my home that I consider the safest, most quiet, special spot….and I now meet with Jesus there every morning. It’s in the back of my walk-in-closet and some days it’s surrounded by heaps of clothes while other days it’s neat and tidy. (I am not a woman with a walk in closet that is co-ordinated or organized by any stretch of the imagination…my pinks are intermingled with my reds, shocking, I know.)  But, it’s not about the clothes or the hangers, or the folding job…it’s about what happens in the back corner of that quiet closet.

I threw in an old chair and some blankets, and an overturned box for a side table that holds my bible, a pad of paper and some pens. Luxurious it is not, but the time spent inside those four walls is precious.

I wake up typically before the sun does, and find my bathrobe and make my way into this humble space and slide the door closed. I plunk down and open the most precious book to the marked page and begin the communing with my Father. Let me tell you…this is where its at. Before the laptop, emails, TV, coffee, or even the children…He must come first.

Some days it’s deep and tear filled, other days it’s joy like no other, and often it’s just about being still.

I’ve been writing down some verses that stand out and encourage, and I tape them up on the wall with scotch tape. Probably the most fruitful decor I have in this house :)

It’s changed me. The putting Him first every day. I long for that time in the Word and in prayer .. and it’s got me wondering if you all have a ‘special spot’ in your home and whether I’m just plain old weird for sitting in my closet every morning! (It may be weird, but boy, is it wonderful :)